Pet Cobra

Don't Panic

Understand this: the book that had the biggest impact on my life was The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy. My worldview - that the Earth is a silly place, and quite frankly, we'd all be better off living someplace else, was cemented after reading Douglas Adams' brilliantly funny novel back in high school. The Green Guy from the book's original cover is tattooed on my right shoulder blade. (I tried to include a picture, but the camera was not cooperating. Trust me - it's there. And I get compliments from everyone on it.)

So it was with some serious trepidation that I made plans with Ornery Haggis to go see it last night. The mostly positive reviews (written by critics who had read the book) buoyed my spirits.

And I was not disappointed.

I'll get this out of the way. Yes - it's different from the novel. In many ways. Most of them good. There are new characters, new planets, and new gags. The bad ways that it differs (namely, a love story that wasn't in the book) don't, as it so often happens, derail the movie.

But there are so many great moments - the Vogons, the Planet Factory Floor, the ill-fated whale, the Infinite Improbability Drive, the Guide itself. The film never loses it's sense of giddiness, and in the end, that's what counts. After all, as Ford Prefect would say, the Galaxy's a fun place. So thumbs up, and I look forward to the sequel.

"Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?"

This? I found to be hilarious. Especially the comments.

Friday Free-For-All

Guten morgen. I just stumbled into the office, and before my day of idly staring off into space begins, I want to once again open the floor for rants, comments, questions, etc. After all, it's Friday - time to rid your minds off all of the heavy things rolling around, and thus be unfettered for the weekend.

I'll start: my run-in with Mysterioso yesterday (scroll down!) prompted me to Google myself. When was the last time you tried this, and what were the results?

Add to Contact List: Jaime Gumm

Want to know how to Freak Mah Shit Out? IM me at work if you are a complete stranger.

Mysterious IM'er: hi jason (All lower case makes it creepier)

Mysterioous IM'er: do you recruit for IT job? (Spelling/grammatical error makes it even creepier)

Me (with shaking hands): I do. How did you get my IM address?

(Long pause, then)

Mysterio: just browsing (pauses to yell at chubby girl stashed in well to put lotion in skin, or else she gets the hose again)

Me: I do recruit for IT jobs. What were you browsing?

Mysterio: (long pause, presumably to put on wig and makeup, tuck genitalia between legs, and do a song-and-dance routine with 80's synth-pop tune playing in background, then:) yahoo serch.

Me: I see. Well, unfortunately we are not hiring. Good luck (sewing together the suit of human skin, you deranged fuck, I think, but do not dare to type, for fear of ending up as the coattails for aforementioned flesh suit).

Mysterio: ok thanks (signs off, and is probably still yelling at girl to put fucking lotion in basket).

People Who Need To Shut The Hell Up, Vol. II

Since it's a crap-lousy day (rain! clouds! whafuck!), I'm going to throw some vitriol out at a select few people who (all together now!) Need To Shut The Hell Up!

Kevin Smith: Silent Bob himself has seen the next Star Wars flick, and has written a glowing review in which he compares it to (brace yourself) "Hamlet". Wow! Such high praise has nothing to do with the fact that Smith has been signed to write at least three episodes of Lucas' proposed "Star Wars" TV show. Snoochie boochies and and Shut The Hell Up, ya tubby bitch!

Bill Frist: Dr. "AIDS Can Be Spread Through Tears" (really? And your medical license hasn't been taken away?), and now he's appeared on a religious TV show and suggested that if you don't vote Republican, you're some sort of Godless heathen. Shut The Hell Up. And God is watching you, and has a thing or two to say about casting judgment...

Martha Stewart: has been going to wild parties and telling her parole officer they're "business functions", possibly violating her parole. Shut The Hell Up. Hope you haven't forgotten your license plate making-skills.

Bill Gate: In an article posted on Yahoo News, it appears that Mr. Gates is wavering on Microsoft's policy of non-discrimination against gay employees (to date, one of the most inclusive companies we know of - a very good record and progressive benefits package to boot); a local fringe group is urging him to back off on his support for a bill extending the rights of gays in the workplace. He's been quoted as saying that he's not sure whether or not Microsoft has any influence on the political process. Really. Bill, if you were to announce that you've installed a hidden program in every single copy of Windows out there that would cause the software to erase everything on that computer, and were going to activate said program, the entire U.S. infrastructure would collapse in fear. You're the most powerful person on the planet. Shut The Hell Up.

Our IT Guy: Hey! Dipshit! We've been having server problems for the past two weeks - emails delayed, slow Internet, the works! So why do I keep seeing you talking with the receptionist? Shut The Hell Up! Get to work!

Did I leave anyone out? Anyone care to add a name or two to the list?

The Design Forum

I am scant days away from putting in the order. But lingering questions remain. The biggest: what color(s) should the new board be? What do you guys think? Suggestions, please.

Idiot

On changing my grooming style - a conversation that occured last night while watching an ad featuring Red Sox outfielder Johnny Damon during "The Amazing Race".

Me: "Johnny Damon is cool. Maybe I'll grow my hair out like him."

Beth: "Um - no?"

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!!!!

This is a cool site. You can recreate yourself South Park-style. Here's my impression of me:

Thanks to www.shutupdude.com for the link.

M'kay?

Small Adventures

Beth is not feeling well, so last night Lucas and I ran out to the pet store to pick up more food for Mick. Errands are fun for the kid. At the pet store, I sat him on the counter while I paid for the food. He beamed happily, made no attempts to grab and chew the Beef-Flavored Pizzles on display, and occasionally piped in with a cheery "BA!"

Following that, we walked over to his second favorite place in the world, the Barnes and Noble. Upon entry, he immediately ralked (the rapid stumbling that's not quite running and a bit more than walking) down the main aisle, detouring down the stacks to check out the books, and pausing to smile at every person he encountered. We were there for about twenty minutes, and had a grand old time. Ah, to be a one-year old, with the whole world as your playground.

Reelin' In The Years

A big milestone was reached this weekend. On Saturday, we packed up a bunch of toys, accessories, and clothes that Lucas has outgrown and put them into the garage. Another bittersweet reminder that our baby is now a Little Boy.

That wasn't the milestone, though.

On Sunday, we attended the last of the Year One Birthday Parties. Four in the span of two months: Lucas, Alex, Maddie, and finally Gavin. A year since our little kids arrived. Yikes.

Milestone? Yes. THE milestone? No.

Later that Sunday, as I watched the replay of the Maverick's Surf Contest, a song that had nothing to do with anything popped into my head. Very catchy tune, and I spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out the song's name. I did, and upon further reflection, decided that I now like many songs performed by that particular band, a band that back in the days of my raging twenties was firmly connected to the lame, responsible,  thirtysomething yuppie crowd.

Thus, the milestone, and one that fills me with trepidation: the song was "Peg", the band was Steely Dan.