Pet Cobra

Why Do I Love 'The Office'?

Actual conversation at work, occurring just outside my office. Note: I am the only guy in my department:

Co-Worker #1: "We need to do a team-building thing."

Co-Worker #2: "I know! We can do Curl Your Hair Tuesday!"

Co-Worker #3: "Oooooo! That's a great idea! We can all come to work with curly hair!"

Me: typetypetype-look busy-hope they don't hear my eyes rolling back into my head

Co-Worker #1 (sotto voce): "What about Jason?"

Co-Worker #2: "Jason, would you do Curly Hair Tuesday with us?"

Me: "Er..."

Co-Worker #1: "You should! Doesn't Beth have rollers? Or a defuser? You know what a defuser is, right?"

Me: "Ah...yeah, it's the big megaphone-looking thing you stick on the end of a hair dryer..."

Co-Worker #3: "Oooooh! You should totally curl your hair!"

Me: "I'm uncomfortable."

Why do I love "The Office"? It's funny 'cause it's TRUE.

That Space Cadet Glow

Continuing with the Batshit Crazy: We've all seen the film version of Pink Floyd's The Wall, yes? Here's a fun game: get out your iPod, select "The Wall", track 1 - "In The Flesh" - press play on the video below, and mute the sound on your computer. Bob Geldof was a scary psychotic fascist in the movie, but he's no Tom Cruise:

WTF? Redefined.

Can anyone tell me WTF he's talking about?

Anyone?

Hello?

(UPDATE: The link is fixed; Defamer has posted this and vows to defy L. Ron's Army, a move that Xenu and I wholeheartedly support.)

My Life in Television

"Ok, I had this great idea. I was totally thinking about it on the drive home and I am convinced it can work."

"What is this idea?"

"I pitch a DadCentric TV show to HBO. It would be brilliant. Like Curb Your Enthusiasm with kids. We could do it semi-improv. Get three year olds and turn the cameras on them and let them talk about the shit that they talk about, pink eagles and pee and all that, and have the actors just go with it."

"But not everyone finds little kids funny."

"So? You think everyone found Sex and The City funny? Who watched that shit? Women in their 30's. That leaves a whole lot of people who didn't think it was funny. And yet it was a cultural phenomenon. Network shows about dads are not funny."

"That reminds me - a woman on my message board was telling us that her baby pooped on the floor and their dog ate it."

"See? That would not happen on Growing Pains. But that's pretty funny. In fact, if that was us, and the baby shit on the floor, we'd be placing bets. 'Oh, no, Zoe pooped on the floor. I got five bucks says Mick eats it.''Oh, yeah? Double or nothing says he pisses on it and then eats it.' That's fucking funny. You think Alan Thicke would bet on his dog eating baby shit?"

"Do we know anyone who works in TV?"

"See, you're with me on this. I gotta call HBO before the writers' strike ends."

RIP, Flashman

Sad news: George Macdonald Fraser died a few days ago. For those who don't know, he was the author of The Flashman Papers, a series of historical novels about British soldier Harry Flashman, set against the heyday of the Victorian Empire. Great stuff, and if I had to pick my favorite character in literature I might go with ol' "Bloody Lance" himself - Flashman is a cheating, cowardly weasel who manages to end up smelling like roses at nearly every major event in the mid to late 1800's (the Charge of The Light Brigade, Custer's Last Stand, the Indian Mutiny, Harper's Ferry, etc.). Very funny and meticulously researched (the extensive footnotes and appendixes make for fascinating reading), these have long been among my favorite books. Add them to your reading list, and raise a glass for a writer who will be missed.